Dipper the Lamb
by Rawrmouse
Summary: When Stan is gone, Gideon uses his magic to make Mabel defenseless. In the dumbest way possible. Rated T for cursing. No Pinecest or whatever. I was bored, this is kind of a side project.
1. Sheep Suck

Mabel rushed up the stairs, holding the creature delicatley in her arms. She sat it down on her bed, and panicked, looking around her frantically.

It's been one day.

ONE DAY.

And she already fucked up.

It's been one day since Grunkle Stan left them alone at the shack to go see some friends that had moved in near Gravity Falls. He would be gone for two weeks. He trusted Mabel and Dipper to watch the shack while he was gone.

He was really in a hurry, too, it seemed.

One day, and Mabel already got her brother in trouble.

There he lay, passed out. She has no idea how she dragged him up the stairs so easily, he's much lighter than he looks, apparently.

He lay there, his tail twitching. Tail.

That's the problem right now. Dipper has had his entire lower half replaced by that of a sheep's. Or a lamb's. She wasn't sure.

The wool ran up his back, and over his shoulders. It covered his chest aswell. He had little hooves for feet. His belly was covered in fluff.

He was still wearing his pants. Thank god.

How did this happen. you may ask?

Duh. Gideon and his stupid magic crap.

Demonic rituals. Whatever.

He wanted to make her defensless, the easiest and funniest way possible.

And he did.

Once he did, he stood there, laughing and pointing dramatically.

Mabel ran up to him and kicked him inbetween the legs, then ran off with her brother.

This will probably give them a few days before he goes after her again.

And for now, she sits at the side of her bed, pulling at her brother's big, fluffy ears.

He has little horns, too, but they're just nubs.

He looks exactly like he did when he wore that ridiculous outfit.

Just without the goofy ribbons.

This... This was going to be a long two weeks.

She sighed, patting his head, while Waddles curled up next to him.

... ... ...

_**This might be a thing.**_

_**So let me explain exactly what kind of thing it might be.**_

_**One, no pinecest. I'm against that kind of thing. Two, this is going to be written for your comedic pleasure. No romace, no tragedy, no angst. Just humor and family.**_

_**It's kind of just a "what if" story.**_

_**What if Dipper became a cute, fluffy animal? What would change?**_

_**So tell me what you think, if you want, and I'll write some more later.**_


	2. Horns Suck

It's morning of the next day. Day two. Dipper should be waking up any minute now, she hoped, and once he does, she will need his help to change him back to normal.

She fell asleep at the foot of her bed. She woke up with a puddle of drool next to her. She left the room to make her and Dipper breakfast.

She ate hers, and brought his upstairs.

It was pretty much just grass on a plate.

She sat it on the edge of the bed, and watched him lie there.

She frowns, and turns to leave. Just then, she hears the shifting of bed sheets and whirls around. Dipper was finally awake. He slowly sat up, his ears feld back. His hands were hooves too, she doesn't know how she missed that. He rubs his forehead, stops, looks at the hoof, and screams.

"I can explain!" She exclaims. "Gideon did it!" She points to nowhere in specific.

Dipper opened his mouth to speak, and choked out a shrill _Ba-ah._

He clasped the toes of his hooves over his mouth in shock.

"Oh man. You can't talk, either? We gotta do something about this fast, before Grunkle Stan comes home."

Dipper gives her a worried and confused look, lowering his hooves to his sides. "Right." He says.

"...Oh. I _can_ talk."

Mabel crossed her arms.

"Sorry. I just- BA-AH."

He did it again. He did the thing. The thing he does. He did it. Again.

Mabel giggled. "Okay, that's _pretty_ funny, Dip."

"No it isn't! It's like hiccups that never en- BA-AH!"

He covered his mouth again and glared at her.

"Ha hah! Come on, there has to be something about this in your big dumb book." She said casually, gesturing to him.

"That's just it... I kind of lost that thing a few days ago."

"What?! Why, Dipper? Why?"

Dipper shrugs, a nervous grin spreading across his face.

"Don't you smile SHEEPishly at me, mister!" She yells.

"NO! NO PUNS!" He whines.

"Okay, okay. But Gideon is still breathing down our necks... We have to make it through the next two weeks in one... Fleece."

Dipper grouned loudly.

... ... ... ...

Dipper slowly made his way down the stairs, wobbling and swaying, his hooves threatening to trip over themselves.

And they did. He tumbled down to Mabel's feet, and she picked him up. "That's looks harder than wearing high-heels."

"How would you know what that's li-BA-AH!"

"I don't. I've seen you wear mom's, though, and those looked pretty hard to walk around in."

"Oh... Never... Never talk about that again, please."

"Sure thing... Can you manage?" She asks, still holding him up.

"Yeah, I think so." He says, taking a few steps forwards. He falls over.

"I think you're supposed to stand on all fours." She adds.

He struggles to his (four) hooves. His small, poofy tail starts lashing. "This is stupid. I can't go around like this! Can we atleast shave this wool off, so I can look like a normal wierdo?"

"You would probably just look like a creepy Satan worshiper walking around on his four devil hooves if you did that. With his devil horns. And his satanic case of hiccups."

He sighed, stumbling over to the door. "What are we gonna do, first? Try to find the book? Go beat the cr- I mean... "delay" Gideon's arrival a little further?"

"Well..." Mabel cooed, scratching the back of her head.

"Oh my god what." He knows she did something. What else could she have possibly done?

"I kind of invited Candy and Grenda to come over before all this happened. So we're kind of expecting some company."

"Why would you do that?! It's just us here!" He grabbed his horns in a panick.

"Oh hey, that feels kinda nice..."

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah... And I have the wierdest urge to slam them into something. I'm gonna go smash my head against that wall over there. You can get ready or whatever."

"You're teething, Dipper. With your head." She said, slightly disgusted.

He was already banging his head against the wall.

"Uh..." She turned around, heading back up the stairs.

... ... ... ...

She came back down to check on him. It was about four in the afternoon now, and she was getting pretty sick of the noise he was making.

"Oh my god, Dipper." She gasped, walking over to him. He put two huge holes in the wall. "You need to stop."

"I... Can't... Stop... Ba-ah."

He sputtered inbetween collisions.

She pulled him away. "Your horns got bigger, too. I think that's a bad thing."

She was right, they were longer, and started to curve, probably into a spiral.

"Are you hungry or something? let's just go make you dinner." She said nervously, dragging him into the kitchen.

He stared blankly at the wall he was murdering, slowly rubbing his horns.

"Okay! What do sheep eat?"

He looked up at her. He was leaning against a counter. "I have no clue. I have a human mouth, I might have a human stomach. Just feed me people food."

She hands him a cookie, and he graciously accepts.

He takes one bite of it and spits it back out.

"This tastes HORRIBLE. What kind of cookie IS this?!"

Mabel looks at the bag. "...They're just chocolate chip."

"Not even past the expiration date?"

She picks the bag up, examining it. "Nope. Perfectly fine. We just bought these."

"Oh, man... I don't want to eat a bunch of... Whatever sheep eat... For the rest of my life!"

"Don't worry! We're going to fix you! Just... Look, grass probably doesn't even taste like grass anymore. You might like it."

Dipper frowns in disgust. "No way. If I have to eat a bunch of plants, let it atleast be some kind of store-bought lettuce-salad crap or something."

Mabel rolled her eyes. "Do you THINK we have that kind of stuff here? Geez Dipper, we're not vegetarian hippes. We never eat our vegetables anyways, Stan stopped buying them WEEKS ago."

"Then go to the store and _**buy some**_. Use the money he left us!" He argued, banging his hooves against the counter in a fit of rage.

"You're throwing a tissy fit? Over salad? What's gotten into you?" Mabel grabbed him by the arm and ceased his temper tantrum. "What?" He asked, his face red from pure rage.

"You're throwing a fit. Stop it." Dipper looked down at the counter. There were cracks in it. "Oh, I didn't even notice that." He whispered loudly, tucking his hooves behind his back.

"Sorry..." His ears feld back. "Come on, just wait a little while, I promise we'll go to the store tomorro-... Oh no."

"Grunkle Stan didn't leave us any money, did he?"

"Nope."

Dipper looked out of the window. "I'm so lost. What are we going to do?"

"We'll figure something out. We always do. Mystery twins, right?" Mabel put her hand on his shoulder, as he let out a long, depressed sigh.

"I guess... I guess I'll eat grass then." He murmered.

"That's the spirit! And look! You have a grass eating buddy." She pointed out of the window, to the goat that hangs around the Shack. He was nibbling at the ground.

Dipper narrowed his eyes and snorted.

Mabel backed away from him slowly.


	3. Gideon Sucks

Dipper was so pissed. And he had no idea why. The sight of another animal just... Made him angry. Waddles was an exception. So was his sister.

Speaking of her, she had to lock him upstairs in the bedroom, so he wouldn't get out and get himself hurt. She told him to stay there for the night, while she had her friends hang out with her in the TV room downstais. Or living room. Whatever.

He can hear them laughing, talking. He's starving. Dipper, as a detective, is the master of stealth. He would just sneak outside for a couple seconds, rip some of that green crap out of the ground, and sneak back upstairs. Nobody would know.

So off he snook.

Once sucessfully down the stairs (he had to crawl, and it took him about an hour and a half), he quietly made his way to the front door.

_Please don't creak._

The door creaks when he opens it.

He freezes.

Slowly, he turns his head.

"...What... Are... You...-"

"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Dipper shouted at Candy, who was peaking at him from around a corner.

"-wearing?"

_Oh. Hah._

"H-huh? O-oh! This! It's a costume. I was uh... I just came back from a party. Yeah."

He turned to look at the door. "And I left something out there... So... I'll be going, then..."

He said, then burst through the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Mabel also poked her head around the corner. "What was that?"

"Your brother just pranced out of the door in a sheep costume."

"...God damnit."

... ... ... ...

Dipper was definately enjoying himself. He didn't even mind the dirt. He was eating everything that was green and grew out of the ground. The goat is staring at him from across the clearing. Dipper looks up, his mouth full of weeds. "WHUT ARF U LOOFIN AT?!"

The goat slowly backs away.

... ... ... ...

Dipper was going back up the stairs. He kept falling down them. Silently. Because he was stealthy. And he falls with motherfucking grace.

His seventh try was his last. He tumbled to the floor, which he usually avoided and got proper footing before reaching. It made a loud _THUMP_, and he grunted.

All three girls left the room, Mabel glaring hard at him. "What did I tell you?! Take your little costume party upstairs!" She yelled.

"I can't climb them. My ho- feet keep slipping."

"Then just take that part of the costume off." Grenda says.

Dipper stared at Mabel, his eyes pleading.

"I.. Ugh. You know what? I can't keep this a secret. That's not a costume, guys. Some paranormal crap happened, and now Dipper's half goat... Or sheep. Whatever."

Candy and Grenda just stood there, looked at one another, then at Mabel.

"Okay." They both said in unison.

"...You're not freaking out?"

"We've seen weirder." Candy said, shrugging. Grenda nods.

"So... Have you tried doing anything about that, yet?" Grenda asked, pointing at him.

"Not really, but we'll think of something before Grunkle Stan comes back."

Dipper got on his hooves and wobbled over to the couch infront of the TV in the next room, his tail lashing back and fourth, his ears feld again.

Candy couldn't help but smile. "That's adorable! What happened to him?"

"Gideon." Mabel sighs.

"Ah." They both say.

Once Dipper was in the light of the television screen, Mabel could see his horns had grown out even further. They _were_ spiraling, and they were pretty big, too. They looked kind of dangerous, and kind of heavy. Maybe it even hurt him a little, to have them grow out of his head that fast. She walked up to him.

"You know who might be able to help us?"

Dipper grunts, burying his face in his fluffy shoulders and chest, covering himself with his arms.

"Wendy. She'd help us if we were in this kind of situation, right?"

Dipper's ears perk.

... ... ... ...

It was the next day.

Day three. Candy and Grenda had spent the night, and they had just left to go home. Dipper was completley covered in ribbons and glitter. They even bedazzled his hooves. He tore the bows out of his hair, snorting furiously.

Trying to get the glitter out, he ruffled his coat. He ruined it. It had just been groomed. Repeatedly.

He felt really bad for Waddles, god knows what he has to go through during these sleep-overs.

The pig watches him pick at the rynestones on his hooves. "Ugh. This can't get any worse."

Once he was sure there wasn't any glitter left, he trots out of the room. "Mabel? Mabel, are you ready to go find Wendy?" He calls her name and gets no response. "Where is she? She couldn't have left me here!" He whimpered.

God, being a goat-sheep was really playing with his emotions. He had fits like a pony, and could be as stubborn as a donkey. That sums up a goat.

He pranced to the front door and peeked outside. It was a normal summer day. Kind of nice. Nothing he wasn't used to.

He slowly made his way out. There was a small chance of anyone seeing him, the Mystery Shack was a pretty secluded place.

He took small steps towards the nearest patch of grass. He sat down. He was about to eat, and was interrupted by somone yelling something. Familiar voice.

It was Mabel! She was back.

"There he is! Come on, we don't have all day!" She yelled, running towards him. "Mabel, who-"

Wendy walked from around the corner, giving him a slightly puzzled look. "You weren't kidding. He's like something out of a fantasy novel. Not that I read those." She said, lowering herself to the ground, examining Dipper.

Dipper nervously sat there as she grabbed his arm, outstretching it. "He's pretty soft, for an animal." Dipper blushed.

"I know, but what can we do about this?" Mabel said, sitting down next to her brother.

"Well, you said some kid did this to him, right? Maybe he knows how to reverse the spell or whatever." She let go of his arm.

"Yeah, like he's gonna tell us jack." Mabel pouted, crossing her arms.

"You can make him. How hard can it be? He's like... nine, right? Just give him some candy or something." She wrapped her hands around Dipper's waist, hoisting him up to her lap. He yelped in surprise.

"He's not like that. And we can't face him like this, he'll probably kidnap me and sell Dipper to a zoo. Or even worse... To science." Dipper cringes at the thought of being cut up by scientists.

"You would let him do that? What kind of power does he have that you don't?"

"Well, for example, the power to turn my brother into a GOAT."

"Yeah, well..."

"And he can barely walk around like this. He literally can't even defend himself against a nine-year-old!"

Wendy thought for a moment, petting Dipper's head. "What do you know about this kid besides that? Why does he hate you guys?"

Mabel narrowed her eyes. "I really don't want to go into detail. Let's just say it's personal."

Dipper wanted to tell her and get this over with, but he was choking on words as she rubbed his ears.

"I don't know what to say, kid. When does the old man get back, again?"

"Two weeks. He didn't even leave us any cash, so Dipper has to eat grass!"

"Mabel! Don't tell her that!" He managed to say.

Wendy moved his little arms around playfully. "I can buy him some food. It's no big deal." Dipper was blushing furiously.

"That would be awesome! Thank you thank you thank you!" Mabel sprang to her feet, hugging her arm.

... ... ... ...

Dipper was learning how to run around. He spent the entire aftornoon spinning around in circles and tracking dirt into the Shack.

"Dipper! Clean your nasty feet off before coming in here!" Mabel had to keep repeating this.

"Never! I feel so alive, a human couldn't EVER possibly run this fast! I feel like the cheetahs on Animal Planet." He said, panting.

He turned around to face the goat, who was minding his own buisness, like usual.

"You!" He yelled dramatically. "I challenge you to headbutts!" He flailed his hooves in the air.

Mabel snickered. "You said butts!"

Dipper charged at the goat. the goat stepped aside and Dipper rammed into a tree.

"Mabel! I'm stuck!"

"Have fun, you two." Mabel said, heading up the stairs with Waddles.

"Mabel! Please! He's trying to eat my tail!"

"Noooooo!"

... ... ... ...

It was night.

Dipper was still stuck in the tree, the goat had left awhile ago.

He was humming you-know-what.

He heard the bushes rustle.

He stopped. "Uh... Hello? Mabel? Is that you?"

He couldn't turn his head to see.

Dipper felt a pair of hands grab the wool on his shoulders and yank him out of the tree. He fell on his back and winced. Before he could open his eyes, he was surrounded by the darness of a bag. He was being kid-napped.

Kid. Goat. Haha.


	4. Adding One To The Party Sucks

"Hold still, you stupid runt!" A familiar voice hissed quietly.

"MABEL! MABEL!" Dipper was screaming.

Gideon lashed out on the bag with a nearby rock, knocking Dipper out. "That... Was easy." He said to himself. He dragged the unconcious goat into the darkness. He got into a mysterious car.

"Let's get out of here." He said, glaring through the car window once he shut the door.

"Got it."

Gideon twiddled his thumbs. "O-oh... And if you don't mind me askin'... Can we pick up Mc Donalds on the way home?"

"Uh... I guess. What do you want?"

Gideon narrowed his eyes again, an evil grin spreading across his face. "All of the chicken nuggets."

Lightning flashed in the background.

"All of them."

... ... ... ...

Mabel woke up the next day. It was around eight in the morning. She had a lot to do. She had to buy Dipper food with Wendy's money, she had to get an answer out of Gideon, she had to... She had to... Huh. It sounded like a whole lot more in her head.

She rolled out of bed. "Euuuugh." She groaned. She rolled away, down the stairs.

She crawled to the door. "Dipper? Are you still -yawn- out here?"

She looks around. It was funny when it happened, but maybe she should have put a little thought into the fact that she had left her hybrid twin brother out at night with an animal that wanted to eat his tail.

She face-palmed.

... ... ... ...

"Now, let me tell you how this is gonna' play out." Gideon said, walking back and fourth in front of a caged Dipper. "Gideon..." Dipper murmered. "What?" He stopped, staring at him. "What... Why... Why are there four garbage bags full of chicken nuggets over there in that corner?

Gideon flinched.

"DON'T QUESTION MY ANTICS!" He yelled.

"Now, as I was sayin'... You're gonna be here awhile. Just long enough for me to burn that stupid joint of yours down, with that stupid girl in it, and blame it on stupid ol' Stanford! There ain't a damn thing you can do about it!"

He started laughing maniacally again, with no one to kick him inbetween the legs.

"That's horrib-A-AH!" Dipper choked.

"And by the way, that's a pretty nice lookin' coat you're sportin' there. Looks comfortable."

Dipper cringed, crawling to the back of the cage. "Don't you dare..."

"Oh, I _will_ have that thing for myself." He said, turning around. He tucks his hands behind his back. "Just you watch."

... ... ... ...

Mabel took the golf cart out, and remembered Grunkle Stan hid the keys. She groaned.

"Am I really gonna have to WALK all the way to that prick's house?" She asked no one in particular.

"Walk to where?" A male voice asked from the shadows of the nearby woods.

"GAH!" She yelped, jumping back.

"It's just me, doll." Terry said, stepping into the sunlight.

Terry was the fruit bat version of a vampire. He met Dipper while he was searching for Waddles in the forest, and was resently introduced to Mabel. (In other words, this is a character from another story.)

"Stop doing that!" She pulled on his ear.

"Ow! What, you mean silently approaching you from the darkness of the wilderness and talking in a batman voice? What's so scary about that?"

He looks around him, adjusting the collar of fur around his neck.

"Where's Dip shit?" He asked.

"He's gone." She sighed, sitting down in the grass. She puts her hands on her head.

"Pretty sure somone kidnapped him. Gotta walk like... A mile just to go kick somone in the nads to get him back. Then I gotta kick that guy in the nads again to make him tell me how to change him back into a human. Then again. Just because I like kicking him in the nads."

"When did he stop being human? And how?"

"Magical spells, evil nemisis. Bluh." She was really getting tired of explaining this to everyone.

"...Oh. And what exactly is he now? I mean, If you don't mind me asking." He tilts his head.

"A goaaaaat. Half goaaaaat. Bluuuuuuh." She lies down, rolling and shifting dramatically.

"Huh. Where exactly _is_ this place you need to be?"

... ... ... ...

"No! Give that back RIGHT NOW!" Gideon yelled.

It's been five minutes, Dipper already broke out of the cage and got ahold of one of Gideon's magic shit books. "Ha! It's in here. I just gotta... Chant this." Dipper said inbetween pants, he was galloping and prancing around Gideon, trying to stay out of his reach, which he never thought could be this hard.

"Don't say any of that! I swear to god!" Gideon whirls around, trying to grab for Dipper's white coat.

... ... ... ...

Mabel was screaming. With joy.

Terry was flying above the town, the back of he girl's sweater in his talons. "Can you qiet down? We're almost there." He shouts above the wind.

"No way! This is amazing!" Mabel waved her arms around.

He scoffs.

"Look, is that the place?" He uses one foot to point at the large building.

"Yes!"

He divebombs towards the ground, then opens his wings to catch the air. He softly sets Mabel down.

"Okay, I'm good. Thanks for the help!" She says, waving.

Terry flaps away.

... ... ... ...

The window breaks, shards of glass flying into the center of the room. Mabel stands up. "You know what I'm here for. Let's not make this any harder than it needs to be."

"Uh..."

"A four-count with a side of fries, please." She says, leaning over the counter and smiling at the cashier.

... ... ... ...

Dipper was hiding under the bed in Gideon's room. "Get out from under there! You don't know what you're doin'!" Gideon whines, swatting at him with a clothes hanger. "Morphus sheepus... God, what is this? How do I pronouce it?" Dipper said to himself.

"You don't pronounce it because you can't pronouce it because I SAID SO!" He hollered.

The window breaks. "Crap! I dropped my fries." Mabel pouts, standing up.

"You! What do you think you're doing here?" Gideon points.

"You know what I'm here for..." Everything intensifies.

Gideon narrows his eyes, covering his crotch with his hands. "Never..."

"OH!" Dipper shouts.

"Sheepus morphus enchantus. That was kind of scribbled out."

Gideon yelped, the chant immediatley taking affect.

After it had, Mabel stood there, mouth gaping.

It turned into an enormous grin.

"That... Is... The CUTEST THING EVER!" She squealed.

Dipper was smiling, too. His gaze was smug.

There infront of them sat the small goat, his horns stubs, his wool covering half of his face, as if he were some kind of shaggy mutt. The hair-do wouldn't stand anymore, and it fell over his eyes now. He was a short, chubby, fluffy animal.

"OH, HELL." He tried to stand up, but fell backwards.

"Now you HAVE to find a cure. And we're not leaving until you do."

"How am I gonna do that when I can't see past my own damn hair?" He struggled to get off of his back.

Dipper crawled out from under the bed, sitting next to the struggling lamb. "We can cut it for you."

"DON'T TOUCH IT!" He yelled, rolling around, his stubby tail lashing. He snorted.

"You snort like a kitten!" Mabel cooed.


	5. Spongebob References Suck

**Author's note: This is the most fun I've had writing ever xD**

**I hope you enjoy reading this, FF community. Don't forget to send some form of feedback, preferrably positive.**

**... ... ... ...**

"This ain't fair! You cheated!" Gideon was still on his back, while the twins rooted through his stuff.

"Why do you have... Dolls of us?" Dipper asked him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He muttered.

"Uh... Whatever. Where do you keep all of your other magic books?" Dipper got down from the desk, leaning over Gideon.

"Like I'm tellin' you jack. Maybe if you leave, I can find the cure on my own and help you after."

Dipper leaned closer, glaring. "What do think I am, stupid?"

Gideon opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted. "NO!"

"I'M DIRTY DAN!"

Dipper shoved his hoof into Gideon's gut, making the lamb squeak. He pranced away.

Mabel whirled around. "NO, _I'M_ DIRTY DAN!" She yelled, running after him.

Gideon wheezed, his little tail lashing again.

He struggles, managing to roll onto his side. He shakily gets to his hooves.

"T-this ain't so b-bad..." He sputtered.

He falls again.

... ... ... ...

Dipper and Mabel were still fighting. Dipper was trapped in the fridge, and Mabel was hanging upsidown from where she had shot her grappling hook and ran around in circles with it tangled around her waist.

"Mabel! Help me!" He was screaming.

"I told you, Dipper! kick the door open!"

"It's too cramped in here! Just grab the handle and open it! Can't you reach?!"

"No!"

"Mabel! You have to!"

"How?!"

"Firmly grasp it."

"Wha-"

"FIRMLY GRASP IT!"

Gideon rolled into the kitchen. "What are you two doing in here?!"

Mabel and Dipper were screaming.

Gideon also starts screaming.

... ... ... ...

After the twins were freed, They both sat on the ground back in Gideon's room.

"It can't be helped. I'm going to be stuck like this. Science is going to fine me, Mabel. SCIENCE!" Dipper was curled up against her, shaking violently.

"Gideon." Mabel said plainly, her stare blank.

"What?" The lamb was sitting in the corner, curled up into a cotton ball.

"Why are there... SO MANY... Chicken nuggets over there?" She breathed.

Gideon had a flashback.

... ... ... ...

Gideon walks up to the cashier. "All of your chicken nuggets, please."

The cashier's brow furrows in question. "Uh... Are you sure you're at the right place?"

Gideon crosses his arm. "What, you're sayin' you don't serve that here?"

The cashier's eyes narrow. "I think... You would be better suited over at _that_ place."

He points through the window.

"Weenie Hut Juniors?!"

The cashier leans over the counter, looking out of the window.

"Oh, sorry, I meant that place next to it."

"SUPER Weenie Hut Juniors?!"

"Yeah, that one."

... ... ... ...

"Killed a man?! What makes you think I did that?" Gideon squawks.

"...Nobody said anything about you... Ugh."

"Mabel... Science... My wool..."

Dipper's eye twitched.

"It's going to be okay, Dipper!"

"THEY CAN'T HAVE MY EIGHT GOAT NIPPLES! I WON'T LET THEM!"

Gideon's ears perked. "WE HAVE EIGHT?!"

Everyone starts screaming again.

... ... ... ...

Gideon and Dipper were staring at their stomachs. "Why?" Dipper repeated to himself.

"Why do these exist?"

"Why do _you_ exist?" Gideon whispered.

Mabel grabs both of them, dragging them to her sides. "It's okay, guys. We're gonna find a way out of this. Everything will be just... Fine."

"I looked in the book over and over... Nothing about cures... Nothing about reversing the spell." Dipper sighed, resting his head on her shoulder.

"The book has to be in the Shack _somewhere_." Mabel said, getting up. The two boys slump against eachother, hitting eachother's heads.

"...Ow?" Gideon pushed Dipper off of him, then got to his hooves.

"Not really." Dipper said, getting up next to him.

"Right... But why?" Gideon pushed the wool out of his eyes.

"Your horns. They don't really ever get hurt."

"Enough! Let's go home, Dipper." Mabel said, grabbing her brother by the scruff.

"Hey!" He yelped, his legs crossing, as if he were a dead spider.

"No! Wait! You can't leave me like this!"

"Watch us." Mabel turns to walk out of the room, her brother over her shoulder.

Gideon scampers over to her, biting the heel of her shoe. "Please!" He squeaks.

"No way, you're not stinking up our house/tourist trap." She kicks the door open.

"Y-you said we had to help eachother find the cure!"

"And now I'm saying you're not relevant and nothing you have to offer us is useful."

"No! Anything! I'll do anything! Don't leave me to die, here!"

Mabel stops, turning around. "Don't be such a big baby. You're not gonna die here in your _own home_."

Gideon crawled closer to her, whispering.

"The old man crawled in through my window earlier. He's lurking... Hungry for children. Please, I beg you."

Mabel flinched, looking around her frantically. "Okay, fine, but so help me God... You better not screw with anything or anyone ever again."

Something in the other room breaks, all three kids scream.

Mabel grabs Gideon by the tail and jumps out of his window.


	6. The Spell's Side Affects Suck

She tried to ignore it.

It was too much.

The cuteness that is before her...

Waddles, Gideon, and Dipper were curled up on the couch.

She runs over, jumping on them.

They all scream, again.

"MABEL! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Dipper flailed.

Waddles squealed, squirming.

"SO FLUFFY!" She yelled.

Gideon fell off of the couch.

"You know, Dipper, I think you're changing again." She pointed out.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean your entire body is covered in wool, now." She yanks on his scruff.

"Oh, no... Gideon!"

"What?" He asked, sitting up.

"I think this spell's going to turn us into whole animals, eventually."

Gideon gulps. "So help me God, you better find that book before we do."

Mabel hops off of the couch. She turns a full circle, shrugging. "Where did you have it last, Dip?"

"I think upstairs... I'm not sure." He lowers himself to the ground. "But if you want me to help you look, you're going to have to carry me. The stairs hate me, remember?"

Mabel nods, picking him up.

"You're coming, too." She picks up Gideon.

"You both weigh like... Ten pounds. It's hilarious." She starts for the staircase, a scruff in each hand.

... ... ... ...

"HERE!" Dipper exclaims, crawling out from under his bed with the book in his mouth. He spits it out. "I had to fight a weasel for it, I think I have rabies-"

"NO TIME!" Mabel pounces on the book.

She begins to flip through it, Gideon looking over her shoulder.

"There!" He points with his hoof, stopping the page from being skipped.

"Yes! It tells you how to cure the spell right here!" Mabel says, reading.

"..."

Mabel snorts, trying to hold in a fit of laughter.

"Please don't tell me we have to do something humiliating..." Dipper whines.

"We have to do something humiliating." Gideon hisses.

"Ooooooh No. No. I'm _not_ doing that. _Any_ of that. No thanks."

Dipper says, falling onto his back after reading the excerpt.

Gideon sighs heavily. "Then we're screwed. I..."

He sits back, looking down. "I..."

Dipper peers over the fluff on his chest. "You what?"

Gideon shifts uncomfortably. "I... I'm sorry."

Mabel reads over the cure, again. "This is donkey butts ridiculous."

Dipper's ears fold back, he smiles at Gideon's choice of words.

... ... ... ...

Everyone was outside.

"So, Dipper..." Mabel walks up to her twin brother, who was lying in the sun.

"Anything else changing? Physically? Mentally?"

Dipper's tail twitches.

"I can control the outbursts, if you haven't noticed." He smiled proudly, puffing his chest out.

"Besides that?" She sits down next to him.

"Well, a few things..." He looks over his shoulder. "But you have to _promise_ me you won't tell Gideon."

Mabel tilts her head in question. "Sure...? What is it?"

Dipper scootches closer to her, whispering.

"I have the growing urge to beat the living shit out of him, I don't know why. I feel like I'd be fighting for something. It makes me feel wierd."

Mabel snickers. "Diiiiipper~!" She sings. "Sweet, innocent, Dipper."

He glares at her. "What?" He spat under his breath.

"You're going through goat puberty." She grins wildly.

_"WHAT?" _He hisses.

"You want to rutt. For the butt." She snorts, covering her mouth with her hands.

"EW, MABEL! NO I DON'T!" He shrieks, running into the house screaming.

"I DON'T LIKE SHEEEEEEEEP!" He yells, before kicking the door shut behind him.

"RUTT RUTT! FOR THE BUTT! I SAID, RUTT RUTT, FOR THE BUTT!" She screams.

"AGHHH!"

... ... ... ...

Gideon was missing, and nobody had noticed.

He was in the woods, looking for something to do. He just had to get away from those people. If he was going to turn into a wild animal, he might as well do it in the wild anyways.

He sat on a rock. He sighed. "Why does everything come back to bite me in the butt?" He asked himself.

He hears oinking, then Waddles emerges from the bushes. "Why'd you follow me here?" He steps down from the rock.

"I don't know. I was bored." Waddles replied.

Gideon screamed.

... ... ... ...

Dipper was in his room, staring at a picture of Wendy he had taken awhile ago.

Because he's creepy.

And he does those things.

"I don't get it!" He whimpers. "I don't like her anymore!" He buries his face into his pillow, screaming.

"If I don't like her... Then who?" He mumbles, his words muffled.

Mabel slowly opens the door, walking in. "Dipper. I think you should seriously re-consider the... Cure."

Dipper sniffles.

"Riiiight... I'll give you a minute to think about it." She leaves.

... ... ... ...

Mabel runs down the stairs, turning the corner. She leaps onto the couch, making a fart noise with her mouth. "Man, my life." She says to herself. She lifts her shirt up, stopping when she sees her belly button.

"What do you think about all this?" She asks, grabbing her stomach, making it talk.

"_Oh, I dunno. I think Dipper has lady issues, and he should realise Wendy's too old for him anyways. You're so smart, Mabel._"

"Wow, I totally agree. Thanks, belly button." She squawks.

"_Islam is the light_."

"What?"

"_I didn't say anything._"

Mabel stares intensly at her stomach.

"I think I need to get you checked out. I need a drink." She pulls her shirt and sweater back down, then hops off the couch to get some water.

... ... ...

**Hey, guys. Author, again. Just wanted to say, thanks for reading this. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I do writing it, and I wonder if you're getting all of the references I'm spilling into the story. Oh, and...**

**Mabel's belly button is a terrorist. It is now cannon. :D**

**Next chapter will be posted when I'm finished drawing the new cover.**


	7. Tigers, Raptors and Sharks, They suck!

Dipper was outside, again. He was shaking off the fury of being completley trapped. He wanted to feel like a human, not a goat. The goat Dipper has anger issues and has the hots for sheep.

Dipper wants to not have anger issues and have the hots for Wendy.

The goat walks up to him, sniffing his head.

"Go away, I don't have time for you." He snorts.

The goat places his hoof on Dipper's shoulder, holding him down as it nips at his ear.

"Stop it!" He hisses.

The goat grooms Dipper, as the boy tries to shake him off in disapproval.

... ... ... ...

"YOU CAN TALK!" Gideon yells.

"Uh..." Waddles double-takes.

"SINCE WHEN COULD YOU TALK?!" Gideon leaps from the rock to confront the talking pig.

"I... I could a-always... Talk." Waddles' ears fold back.

"But you shouldn't be able to understand me."

"Oh! I know what this is. It must be the darn spell." Gideon trots over to a tree, leaning against it.

"Yeah, I _am _turning into an animal. That's why I can understand what you're sayin'."

"Huh."

"But still... THIS IS AWESOME! I CAN TALK TO ANIMALS!"

An acorn is thrown at his head, a voice ringing through the trees.

"SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

Waddles looked up, whispering. "Maybe we should leave..."

"No way, I'm taking advantage of this." Gideon says, starting off into the deep woods.

Waddles sighs, slowly following him. "You... Know these are _wild_ animals you're going to try and talk to, right?" He looks over his shoulder, his tail inbetween his legs.

"Hi!" Gideon chirps to a rabbit.

"...Hi?" She replies, then looks back down at the ground.

"See? Not bad." Gideon smiles at Waddles. Waddles rolls his eyes.

"Hello!" He says to a deer.

The deer looks up, jumping in fright.

"O-oh... What are you?" He lowers his head to meet Gideon's gaze.

"Long story short, I guess I'm a goat." Gideon stops.

The deer lifts his head back up. "Well, you be careful. You're not that far up the food chain, you know."

Gideon shrugs. "I'll be fine." He trots away. Waddles looks up at the deer for a moment, nodding his head in thanks. Waddles knows what that is. It's not really a buck, it's got ten rows of sharp teeth concealed in it's mouth.

Apparently he's already eaten, today.

And that rabbit could have transformed into a bear if it wanted to. Waddles ran after Gideon, trying to catch up to him.

... ... ... ..

Dipper was whining in boredom.

He had to keep pushing the goat out of his face.

"Whuaauuauh." He groaned.

Mabel walks outside. "What's up? Gonna do that embarrasing thing?"

"Lord, no." Dipper muttered under his breath.

"Why not? It'd be worth it, wouldn't i-"

In a flash of smoke, a magical floating Dorrito appears.

"I HAVE COME FOR MY REVENGE!" Bill Cipher screams, pointing.

The twins stare at him.

Bill blinks his one eye at the hybrid child.

"Uh... Kbai."

He dissapears.

... ... ... ...

Gideon had met a shit ton of creatures. Infact, he had added one to his party. It was Terry. In his bat form, he fluttered overhead. "So, you can understand me like this?" He asks, looking down.

"Yeah! It's awesome, right?" Gideon looks up at him, almost tripping over a rock.

"For now, I guess." Terry flies down, landing on his back.

"These _are_ Gravity Falls woods, we're talking about. The deep end. The paranormal cess pool." He settles down into his wool.

"Blah, blah, blah. If you two can survive out here, I definitley can."

He climbs up a large rock. "It's much easier to climb, now. That's a goat thing, isn't it?"

Waddles looks up at him from the ground. "Probably. I can't get up there, though. We should explore somewhere else... Preferrably in the direction of home."

"Like... Right now." Terry whispers.

Waddles oinks.

"Why do you two want to haul ass outta' here so much? Don't you live here, Terry?" He looks over his shoulder to the bat curled up in his coat.

"Not in this part. This is the dangerous part. I live near the edge."

They're interrupted by the rustling of leaves. Gideon whirls around, yelping.

Waddles takes a couple steps back. "Come ON, run!" He whispers loudly. "We need to leave!"

A deep, scratchy voice joins the conversation. "Now... Why would you three be leaving so suddenly? We just met."

A raptor with a tiger's head and a shark's tail emerges from the darkness of a cave on the rocky hill, his toothy grin glinting.

Gideon and Waddles squeal. Terry burries himself deep enough into the wool to not be seen.

"Come inside for tea? I have plenty." He growls, kneeling down inches from Gideon's face.

He gulps. "I... Uh... N-no t-thank you..."

The creature chuckles, the low rumble of his laughter shaking the ground.

"I _insist_. We could maybe even play some games, together. Would you like to see my _toy pony collection?" _He laughs again, snapping his teeth in Gideon's face.

_Why does this feel familiar? _Terry thought.

"I...Ah... U-uh..." Gideon was shaking. Waddles screamed at him. "RUUUN! RUN YOU IDIOT!"

The tiger-raptor-shark looks up, snarling. He looks back down at Gideon and attempts to bite down on his head. The lamb dives out of the way. He jumps down the hill and glances at Waddles once, before taking off with him in the other direction.

"Not so fast!" The creature shrieks, leaping down after them.

Terry screams.

... ... ... ...

Dipper was back inside the Shack, staring at the book. "There HAS to be something else. Maybe there's a human transformation spell. For animal wizards. Or vampires."

He flips through, finding nothing. "GRAH! I don't want to do the thing!" He bites down on his pillow. "Hey, not bad." He murmers, munching on it.

Mabel whacks him with a newspaper. "NO! BAD!" She sprays him with a bottle of water.

Dipper squeals, rolling out of his bed and onto the floor. He has a mini-seizure.

... ... ... ...

Gideon, Waddles, and Terry were hiding in a bush.

"I think we lost him." Waddles whispered.

"We have to be sure." Gideon whispered back.

All three animals peek over the edge of the bush.

After a few moments of silence, they all sigh in relief.

**"NOPE!" **The creature shrieks, kicking a tree into space.

They all scream again, running away.

"COME BACK! I'LL LET YOU BRUSH MY RAINBOW DAAAAASH!"

... ... ... ...

Mabel had left Dipper alone to go shopping for food stuffs.

Dipper sits on the counter, trying to open a pickle jar. He roars in frustration, driving his horns into the marble countertop. The slab breaks in half, an enormous crack running through it. Dipper has another seizure.


	8. Vampires Don't Sparkle, They Suck

"Hey." Dipper suddenly stopped having his seizure and looked up at Mabel.

"What?" She asked, looking up from the pages of a magazine.

"Where's Gideon?"

... ... ... ...

Terry was hiding in the trees, watching the two ground animals back up against a wall of stone.

Waddles and Gideon press themselves against the stone, staring at the creature slowly approaching them.

"I WILL MAKE YOU LOVE PONIES!" He roared.

"NOOOOO!" Gideon and Waddles screamed in unison.

"LOOK!" The creature pulls a small, plastic pony out of nowhere, holding it before their eyes.

"THIS IS A RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DASH IS BEST PONY!" He shrieks, as Waddles starts sobbing.

In a flash of smoke, the magical flying Dorito appears again.

_**"WHAT!?" **_Bill screams at the tiger-shark-raptor.

_**"YOU WIELD A PONY OF **__**LIESSSS**__**!" **_His eye rolls back, he starts swinging his arms around.

The creature gasps dramatically, holding the cyan horse close to his chest.

_**"RARITY IS SUPERIOR!" **_Bill throws his arms in the air, a lightning bolt striking the earth somewhere overhead.

"Nooooo!" The creature explodes.

... ... ... ...

"Who cares?" Mabel lied down. "As long as he's not in our hair, it's fine with me."

"Science might have found him." Dipper said plainly, giving Mabel a blank stare.

"Science can have him." She continues to read.

Dipper looks out of the window. "Huh. It's storming. I hope he's okay."

Mabel looks up. "Since when do you care about his well being?"

"I'm over the hating him thing. We're like two male lions in one pride." He says, continuing to stare out of the window.

"You need to change back, Dipper. What would Grunkle Stan say about all this? You have like... Human school to go back to when summer break's over. And our parents."

Dipper's expression becomes worried, he glances down. "But... That _thing,_ Mabel... I don't want to do it!"

"You HAVE to, Dipper!" She jumps up, gesturing to him.

"You don't have a choice!"

... ... ... ...

Bill Cipher had left. It's was raining now, and it was noon. It made seeing in the woods almost impossible, it was so dark.

Terry kept singing The Walker over and over, until Waddles purposely stepped on him.

Now Gideon was carrying an unconscious vampire on his back.

They wander aimlessly through the woods, until they come to the edge somewhere near civilization.

"Do you know what this place is?" Waddles asks Gideon. He narrows his eyes, straining to see.

"No... I don't think I've ever been here. This looks like a private property... Mansion and all. I think we'll get shot or something if we go down there."

"Who would shoot this face?" Waddles squeaked.

Gideon leaned forwards, realising exactly who's mansion it was they were looking at.

"Pacifica Northwest. Pacifica Northwest would."

Terry wakes up. "WHO SAID THAT?! HIDE ME!" He yells.

Gideon looks over his shoulder. "You know her?"

"She's CRAZY for me... And every other vampire I've ever heard met her... And got away from her alive." He shivers.

"That's a girl thing." Gideon mutters. "They think you're a sparkly-ass social outcast or something along those lines. Hell If I know."

"Please, let's just... Go back-"

"NO!" Waddles and Gideon yell.

... ... ... ...

Dipper needed to do the embarassing thing, yes, but if he could just delay it a little longer...

"M-Mabel..." He stutters.

Mabel turns around from the thing she was doing. "What now?"

"Please... Mabel... I want to go look for him. My animal senses are killing me." He lied.

Mabel groaned, standing up. "Fine... But if we get lost or something, so help me God I will punch you. I will punch you in the nads. With my foot."

Dipper gulps. "O-okay! Let' go!" He scrambles out of the room, to the stairs, and falls down them. With grace.

Motherfucking grace.

... ... ... ...

They ring the doorbell.

Terry had to change back into a human to reach it. He was going to quickly turn back and hide, but the door swung open.

"You! You've come back for me!" Pacifica squawks, throwing her arms around him. He wheezes, most of his blood forced to his head.

"I'm not here for that..." He pants, pushing her off.

"Can I get a ride somewhere?" He gestures to the two behind him.

Waddles looks down at the ground nervously, and Gideon covers his face with his hair to hide his human feature.

"You think I'm letting THOSE THINGS in my car?" She snarls, glaring at them.

"If you want to get somewhere, can't you just fly to it?"

"They're too heavy."

"Make two trips."

"Believe me, I don't have the energy. Please?" He pouts, giving her puppy-eyes.

"Ugh. You better be worth it." She turns around, yelling up the stairs. "DADDY! CAR RIDE! NOW!"

... ... ... ...

Dipper runs around in circles by the door as his sister slowly makes her way down the stairs, yawning.

"Dipper, I'm getting too old for your crap." She mumbles.

"...But we're the same age." He skids to a halt, frowning.

"What... Ever..." She yawns, again.

Dipper pokes his head out of the door. "Where should we start looking?" He asks, trotting out into the wind and rain.

"I don't know, use your animal senses or whatever." She replies, dragging her feet behind him.

They're interrupted by two bright lights, heading straight for them. It was a familiar limo, and it hits Dipper, missing Mabel by a few inches.

Dipper flies into a tree, squealing.

"AW, COME ON! I'M STUCK IN THE SAME TREE. IN THE SAME SPOT!"

He yells to himself. The goat comes up to him and starts chewing on his tail.

"NOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN!"

The limo's door opens, Waddles and Gideon jump out onto the muddy ground, almost falling on their faces.

"Waddles! Where were you?" Mabel picks him up, squeezing him in an affectionate embrace.

Gideon flushes in jealousy.

He looks behind him. "Terry? Come on, we're here."

Terry's been screaming for the past five minutes, his noises muffled by a certain pair of something being forced against his lips.

It was cherries. Pacifica had been trying to feed him the entire car ride, telling him he needed to gain some weight. He slaps her hand away, spitting the fruit out. He rolls out of the limo and crawls behind Mabel.

"BE GONE, SHE-BEAST!" He shrieks, pointing at her.

"I'll come back for you, baby! Wait for me!" She waves, as the door closes and the vehicle drives away.

He begins shaking violently.

"What am I gonna do with you morons?" Mabel asks, walking back inside with Waddles in her arms, Terry holding onto her ankle, being dragged through the mud, and Gideon scrambling to stay behind her.

"Mabel? I'm cold... And wet... And hungry."

Dipper sighs.

She forgot him again.

... ... ... ...

**If you're reading this, then man, you really must be bored.**

**But I can't thank you enough! It's the fun of writing and the positive feedback that keep me going, here. The reviews make me smile, the views make my heart soar, and the faves make me shit myself with happiness. So thanks for supporting me, if you have, and I'll be sure to write more.**

**Now here's the thing... About the "embarrasing cure".**

**I... Don't really know what it is yet, if you can't tell. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I can't think of something... wierd enough. If anyone wants to suggest anything, PM me. Impress me with your wierd-ness. Prove yourself worthy of the highest wierd honors. Blah blah blah.**

**I'll roll up all the ideas and suggestions into something ridiculous, if I get any.**


	9. Preening and Lawn Mowers Suck

If Gideon had to use one word to describe Dipper, it's Territorial. He's always claiming things to be his, and on rare occasions even threatens to fight him for them. He really _was_ moody. And the other half of the time, he's affectionate and loving. That's even scarier.

Gideon wonders why Dipper was getting all of the bad developments, then he remembered, he never told anyone he could speak to animals. Maybe he shouldn't tell them? It would be a legit secret to keep.

As he thinks to himself, curled up on the couch next to Waddles, Dipper and Mabel are upstairs. Terry was hanging from the ceiling, sleeping.

Gideon wondered if he should really turn back into a human. Being a goat was nice... But then he put deep thought into it. He can't get home on his own. Stan would kick him out when came back. He was prey to every predator, even humans. He couldn't go to school as a hybrid, and if we went out in public, he would be captured by science. Science!

He doesn't want to admit it, but he'd much rather do the embarrasing thing.

Gideon also noticed how he has been changing himself, both physically and mentally.

For one thing, he's much nicer, and clings to everyone. His horns won't grow for some reason. Maybe he's not old enough for that? It made him jealous of Dipper. But he can't stay mad at anyone anymore, and that pisses him off to no end.

He acts as if the whole "Bill Cipher in Stan's mind" thing never happened, and he and the Mystery Twins were just casual friends. He still likes Mabel, though.

He had tried talking to the goat one or twice, but he never responds.

His wool isn't as fluffy, as if he were a chick losing it's down. Wool started growing on his stomach, too. He couldn't see the pink of his underbelly anymore. It's also been growing rapidly in... Other places.

So much that he probably didn't need to wear pants anymore. The spell had spread everywhere but his face. Everywhere.

Everywhere.

Everywhere.

Every- *Brick'd*

Anyways, he has a natural pair of pants now. Like a cat or a bear or something.

His real pants were pretty uncomfortable, anyways. But he's not stupid, he won't run around naked. Yet.

Could he shear himself, though? Like, his back, he meant. Like a real sheep. Maybe make it a coat for when he becomes a human again.

Waddles shifted in his sleep, making Gideon flinch. That's another thing. He's friends with a literal pig. Gideon's had friends before, sure, but this felt... Different? Maybe it's just because he's an animal.

It's totally because he's an animal.

Nothing else.

That would be wierd and stupid.

This story isn't wierd and stupid.

Hue

... ... ... ...

Dipper sat in Mabel's lap, as she brushed through his coat.

"This thing is..." She tears the brush out, making him yelp in pain. "Horrible."

She pulls the wool out of the brush and throws it into the pile that had built up on the floor.

"I'm not even half-way done, yet." This made Dipper groan.

"My wool doesn't need to be brushed, Mabel!" He whines, prodding the bed sheets in annoyance.

"You look nasty! Sit still."

... ... ... ...

Terry falls off of the ceiling.

... ... ... ...

Gideon carefully steps down from the couch, making his way to the kitchen.

He bucks the fridge, making the door bounce open. He sighs. "Just as I thought. Nothin'."

He kicks the door back, and looks up onto the counter, which was broken in half. There were a few cans and an empty box on it.

He growls, and so does his stomach. When was the last time he ate? He leaps onto the counter and examines the box. What can goats eat, again? Last time he checked, they had four stomachs. He sniffs the empty objects.

... ... ... ...

Terry lies on the floor.

... ... ... ...

Dipper wriggles out of her grasp, falling into the fluffy pile of fluff.

He scrambles away, leaping down the staircase and face-planting at the ground floor.

"GIDEON!" He yells, looking up from being flat on the floor.

He can hear the quick-paced tapping of hooves on the ground, Gideon runs around the corner and leaps five feet into the air, smashing against a wall.

He falls on his back. "What?" He looks over to the goat sprawled across the ground.

"I don't know." He stared blankly at the ceiling.

They both stare at the ceiling.

"Do we preen?" Dipper randomly asked.

Gideon's stare becomes cold. "We better not."

"It would be adorable." Dipper muttered.

"You're being lovey-dovey wierd, again. Stop it." Gideon gets back up, starting for the living room.

"I wonder if we can make our own cheese. Or milk. Or jackets." Dipper said to himself.

He stands up, looking down at the wool on his chest.

"...Preening."

... ... ... ...

Gideon pokes Waddles with his hoof. "Wake up, I need to ask you somethin'."

The pig blinks awake, yawning with a squeak. Cute as hell.

That's what gideon thought.

"What?" He murmers.

"Do I preen?" He asked anxiously.

Waddles narrowed his eyes.

"I... Don't think so. You can just get yourself brushed, if your coat bothers you."

Gideon's ears flatten against his head. "I can't hold a brush." He hisses under his breath.

"Make somone else do it." The pig rolls over, facing away.

Gideon moans in agony. He doesn't like people touching his hair. Especially if his hair is now his entire body. He cringed.

... ... ... ...

Dipper was still staring at himself.

"...Let Mabel pull my hair out..."

He glances up the stairs.

"...Or do it myself... With my teeth..."

He suddenly has an urge stronger than ever before. Pull his wool the fuck out.

"What's wrong with me?" He asked himself.

He looks down at his wool. "Ugh... Here goes nothing." He mutters, lowering his head to bite down on the fluff.

Okay, maybe pulling it out like it's a fucking weed isn't the smart way to do it. He gasps in pain, and spits the mess of coat out.

Dipper curses under his breath.

He tries again, more gently.

... ... ... ...

Terry farts.

... ... ... ...

Gideon can't stop thinking about it, now.

Does he even have to groom himself? Isn't that just a cat thing?

He can't ignore the urge to dig his teeth into his stupid coat and pull out the stupid wool covering his stupid body. Who knows, maybe he'll look human enough to do human stuff.

Like drive. Gideon always wanted to drive.

He got to drive the lawn mower once.

Once.

So many people went missing that day.

... ... ... ...

**Wow, it's late. I can't even spell check right at this point.**

**Is this chapter total crap? It's the middle of the night and I can't tell.**

**How long has that Dr. Pepper been there?**

**It's not like I see all the mistakes, anyways.**

**Hey, tomorrow's Friday for me. Lot's of organized writing will happen. That means hard-core funny and more plot will be shoveled in places.**

**Thanks for the reviews, by the way, I like how you guys think.**

**I'll use a little of every suggestion, I'm not leaving anyone out of the chaos.**

**If you don't know what I'm talking about, then let me explain again:**

**I'm thinking of exactly how the embarrassing cure will play out, and I've asked for some suggestions that I'll be rolling up into one big ridiculous mess of stupid.**

**If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.**

**RM out.**


	10. Cures and Authoritah Suck

***Plays video games with friends all weekend***

**"Was I supposed to do something?"**

... ... ... ... .. . ... .. . .. . . . . .

Gideon growled and moaned.

"This. Feels. Disgusting." He grunted inbetween licks.

Dipper was cleaning his coat, nibbling on his ear to shut him up.

"Dipper! This is gross!" He whispered.

Dipper snorts, making him flinch.

Nobody upsets Dipper anymore. Boy had authority.

People had to respect it.

Respect his authoritah.

... ... .. .

Mabel was playing with Terry in the other room, teasing him with a laser pointer. She kept "accidentally" making him run into walls.

... ... .. .

"This is degrading and exploiting." Gideon mumbled.

"Embarrassing and humiliating."

Dipper looked up from his work, glaring at him.

Gideon glares back.

"Did I _say_ you could stop?

... ... .. .

"So, what are you gonna do about Dip-Shit and what's his face?" Terry asked, leaping onto the dot, only to open his hands and find nothing.

"I'm going to make them do the thing today." She said, kneeling and rising to point the red light in the right places.

"Really? How?" He tumbled over a box and fell into it, making foam peanuts spill all over the floor.

"Blackmail. I have plenty." She said casually, pointing the laser at the ceiling.

"What blackmail?" He turns into a bat and hurls into the ceiling, falling back onto the floor.

"Look." She digs in her pocket and pulls out a photo. She holds it out infront of the dizzy vampire sprawled out across the ground.

"Oh, man!" He laughs. "How do you even get pics of things like this?!"

He takes the picture out of her hand. "Wow."

She hands him a few more. "These aren't even half of it. Crap like that happens almost every day."

"Is that Mermando?"

... ... .. .

"Okay, enough. This is kinda gay."

"It's not gay." Dipper repeated.

"It's super gay."

"No it's not!"

"Is too!" The lamb struggled out of his grip, jumping away.

"Licking all over another dude is gay." He hissed.

"NOT IF YOUR _ANIMALS_!" He argued, sitting back on his hind legs.

"YOU DON'T EVEN WEAR PANTS, ANYMORE!" Gideon shrieked, pointing at him with his hoof.

"I DON'T NEED TO!" Dipper flailed his arms in rage. "I HAVE A LOT OF COVER THERE!"

Gideon snarls. "That's NO EXCUSE."

"IT'S THE MOST REASONABLE EXPLANATION! IT'S VERY REASONABLE!"

"OH."

Gideon stands on his hind legs, his tail lashing.

"OH. I SEE."

He unzips his pants.

"LIKE _THIS_!?" He throws them over his shoulder.

"I'm Dipper Pines!" He mocked, walking around with his arms spread.

"I walk around naked and lick people because I'm HALF goat and that makes it OKAY!" He screams, mashing his hoof into a wall.

"Shut up, Gideon! It's just the spell changing us! I promise, as soon as I turn back, I'll beat the shit out of you all you like. No more affection."

Gideon whirls around. "You'd already beat the shit outta' me, wouldn't ya'? Your stupid hormonal raging and unforgiving goat-brain."

"I... I..." Dipper choked on his anger, glaring.

"What next, you gonna' hump that goat?!"

"GRAH!" Dipper shouted, charging at the lamb.

Gideon shrieked, scampering away.

... ... .. .

Mabel and Terry hear a crash.

"What was that?" Terry asked, covered in the shards of a broken vase in his human form.

"I dunno. Better check it out." She looks back at him. "Do you... Want a band-aid or something?"

"Nah, I'm good." He grinned sheepishly, pulling a shard out of his arm. He winced, dropping it to the floor.

"We have Scooby-Doo." She muttered.

"HOLY SHIT!" He looks back up at her, his ears perking.

"YES! BRING ME TO THEM IMMEDIATLEY!" He grabs her shoulders and shakes her.

... ... .. .

Gideon was hiding underneath the fridge, the only place Dipper couldn't reach him.

Dipper was snarling and cussing him out, swiping at him.

The counter had completley crumbled into rubble behind him.

"Y-you're having a moment, Dipper! Calm down! I said I was sorry!" He cried out, pressing himself against the wall behind he fridge.

"DIPPER!" Mabel yelled, gaping at the mess in disbelief.

Dipper turned around, his ears folding at his only superior.

"You... Look at what you've done!" She fell to her knees.

"YOU ATE ALL OF THE NUTELLA!" She wailed, pointing at the empty container.

"That wasn't me! I swear!" He took a step back, pressing against the cold door of the fridge with his flank.

"You've done it now, Dip!" She took a newspaper off of the ground and rolled it up. "I'm gonna knock your goat ass into next week! So Stan can see your goat paradox time clone!" She slowly crept towards him, holding the paper like a baseball bat.

Dipper screamed, running past her like an agile cat.

"COME BACK HERE!" She yelled, running after him.

Gideon crawled out form underneath the fridge, his ears pressed against his head. Terry poked his head around the corner, looking at him. "You okay?" He was shirtless, covered in Scooby-Doo band-aids in places he wasn't even hurt.

"I thought I heard something break."

Seriously, there were like... Four hundred of them all over his body.

"I'm fine." Gideon sighed, walking past him. "I'm takin' a nap."

"M'kay." He stepped aside. Once Gideon manages to get all the way up the stairs, he looks down at the band-aids.

"I will count all of the Shaggys. All of them." He said to himself.

... ... .. .

Mabel dragged Dipper by the scruff to the front door. "We're doin the thing, Dipper. Today. Right now." She throws him down at the floor, making him wince.

"No! A little more time!" He begged, before she held a picture out infront of him.

"Wouldn't want _this _to somehow make its way onto the interbutts, now would we?"

He grabs for it, but she raises her hand out of his reach. "You wouldn't... Please... Any picture but that one... Even the Mermando thing is better than that..." He whispered, shaking.

"Nope."

"Please... That has to be the worst possible picture."

"Great to know." She grins.

Dipper groans.

"...Fine. But... How do I do it, again?"

Mabel tucks the picture away into her sleeve. "Well, since two of you are cursed, it's a duet cure."

Dipper groans, lying down and staring at the ceiling. "...And?"

"Don't you remember? You gotta do that dance at a petting zoo naked with cerimonial pink ribbons tied to your wool pig-tail style. To polka. Then you have to kiss dramatically and punch eachother in the face ten times."

Dipper glared at her.

He glared at her in a way you could only describe with one word.

Squidward.

Don't be a Squidward, kids.

... ... .. .

**Well... Okay, then. This is going to be uncomfortable to write. It's probably going to make you embarrassed for them and wince in agony. I hate it when moments like that happen xD**

**So... Yep. I took your suggestions and used them all. I threw some random crap in there, too.**

**Am I the only one that can see Dipper glaring at somone like Squidward? Come on. Visualize it for a second. **

**See it, yet?**


	11. Endings Suck

Dipper cringed. "How are these ceremonial?" He writhed and squirmed under the tug of the many ribbons tied to his wool coat.

"Don't ask me..." Mabel muttered, finishing wrapping the last bow around Gideon's hair.

"You don't have to tie them so tightly." Gideon mumbled, glancing up at her through his bangs.

She tugged on his ear, making him cry out in pain. He scrambled away from her. "That hurts a lot more than you think it does!" He exclaims.

"You did this to yourself, Gideon." She said plainly. Dipper looks up from the ground. "She's right, this IS all your fault."

Gideon shifted uncomfortably.

... ... ...

Terry agreed to fly them all to the local petting zoo for a box of Scooby-Doo band-aids.

He passed out when he lowered the last kid to the ground, and Mabel dumped the box out onto his unmoving body.

"We're here." She said, looking down at them. Waddles oinked.

_"They got any snacks, here?"_

Yeah, they brought that guy, too.

"No, they don't sell snacks here."

Oink.

_"What about the stuff kids feed the animals?"_

"I wouldn't eat that crap." Gideon snarled.

The twins stare at him in confusion.

Gideon looks at them, laughing nervously. "Bluetooth. You can't see it. "

They shrug.

"This is it, guys. You ready?" Mabel pulls out a camera.

"OOOOH NO! You are NOT recording this!" Diper yells, swiping the camera away from her. He throws it into the nearest trash can.

"No!" Mabel runs over to the trash can, leaning over it.

"It's probably broken." Gideon said, remembering the physical abilities of the twelve year old boy.

"It is..." She whimpered.

"It's also on fire... Maybe you should back away from it." This made Mabel flinch, and she jerks her head away from the trash can.

Dipper narrowed his eyes. "Can I change my mind?" He whispered, peering over to the kids yanking on the animal's fur and ears by the entrance.

"No!" Mabel yelled.

Gideon's ears flattened against his head. "I'm ready for this. Who said the kids had to be let anywhere near us?"

Mabel scoffed. "It wouldn't be funny if they weren't." She grabs them and pulls them up to her eye-level. "Ready?"

They glance at eachother. Dipper shifts uncomfortably in her grasp. "How are you okay with this?" He glances at Gideon.

Gideon stares off into space. "I forgot everything we were supposed to do." Dipper glares.

After a few seconds, he blinks and looks forward. "You know, I don't remember exactly what the words to that song were..."

"And I've never heard 'em."

Gideon and Dipper continue to pile on excuses.

"Enough, we don't have time for your crap." She says, setting them down.

"Won't kids be scared of us?" Dipper asks with pleading eyes.

"Not if they think you're two losers in animal costumes. Let's go."

"But then they won't touch us, right? Right?" Gideon whispers loudly. Dipper shrugs.

The three of them walk up to the stage (Only there for public announcements) and hesitantly stare out into the distance, watching the little kids run around and torture the animals.

Dipper tries to scamper away, but Mabel grabs him by the horns and slams him to the ground. "If you bail on me now, I will END YOU." She hisses, pointing a finger at him.

Gideon is shaking.

Waddles is hiding in the curtains, away from the grabby children.

Dipper and Gideon stare at eachother nervously.

Mabel takes for phone out and starts to play a polka song.

Mabel takes a microphone from out of nowhere and is the first to speak.

"Ladies and Gentleman!" She yells. Everyone turns around to face her and the two boys in goat "costumes".

"I... Uh... Have a very important announcement to make!" She exclaims, gesturing towards them.

"We have two preformers here today, and they're here to do a... Uh... sort of dance."

Gideon and Dipper are avoiding eye-contact.

"Well... Yeah." She drops the mic, throws her hands in the air, and starts to back away from the stage slowly.

Gideon and Dipper glance from the crowd to eachother, slowly standing on their hind-legs.

This was the first time Gideon ever really had stage-fright. It was a horrible feeling. He gulps and takes a deep breath, breaking the silence with a nervous step forwards, and his rising voice.

"Well... Who wants a..."

"-Lamby, lamby lamby?" Dipper joins him, as they sing in unison.

"I do! I do!" They sing, touching their front hooves together, smiling to the children as they continued. They actually sounded pretty good when they both sang together.

"So go up and greet your mammy, mammy, mammy! Hi there, hi there!" They did a bunny-hop away from eachother, their ears folding back. Kids were laughing, clapping, leaving animals alone.

"So march,"

They twirl once.

"March,"

Twice.

"March-"

Three times.

"Around the daisies,"

They both get on one knee... goat knee... and then give jazz hooves.

"Don't, don't, don't you forget about the ba-bies!"

There was clapping. People actually liked that.

The boys look at eachother, grinning. Mabel coughs, making them peer over to her.

"You're not done yet!" She whispered.

A cold chill runs down their spines, and they start to panic.

"Hurry!" She hissed.

Dipper wasn't going to do this twice. He grabbs Gideon's scruff and pulls him into a deep kiss. The kids are laughing even harder. Not as loud as Mabel, though.

Gideon pushes him off and pounces on him, flipping his shit and punching him in the face. You can imagine how much a hoof to the face could hurt. Maybe you were that one kid that got kicked in the face by a goat at the petting zoo when you were little.

They continue to mercilessly beat the living shit out of eachother. Ninth punch thrown, the wool flies clean off of Dipper's chest. He yelps. He weakly raises his hoof to throw the final blow, at with it, all off the white fluff falls to the ground.

...Yeah, they're naked.

They scream and grab the wool off of the ground, covering their shame. The heavy horns snap off of Dipper's head (painfully) and fall through the floor.

"I just felt... All of my confidence die." He breathed shakily, curling up into a ball on the ground. Gideon's stubs simply slide off his head and fall with a _clink_.

Tails are gone, ears shrink, nerves wreck, and four stomachs become one, weak, human's.

Gideon, with the wool still covering him, runs behind the curtains, while Dipper writhes on the floor. The kids are already back to annoying the animals.

Waddles pokes his head out from the curtains, looking up at the one-hundred percent human being standing before him. Gideon kneels down to him. "Please... Say something." He whispers. Oink. Nothing. Gideon drops to his knees, screaming in agony.

Mabel puts her sweater over her brother's unconsious body and forces the now-conscious vampire to take them home.

With a few days to spare, a human boy will rest in his bed, his sister waiting quietly for him to re-awaken by her side. A sworn enemy will come over to spend time with them. A pig will curl up in his lap, and a Grunkle will kick him out.

... ... ... ...

**Thanks for reading.**

**This was fun to write!**

**Short and sweet, am I right? No? Okay!**

**Anyways, Sorry this took SO LONG. I don't know if I'd call it an art block, or just laziness, but hey, it happened eventually. I wasn't going to give up on this. Thanks for supporting me all the way through, and I hope you're satisfied, and that was the most awkward writing session I've ever had the pleasure of sitting through. Punch me in the gut, I even thought I was over Gravity Falls for a few days. How can I stop liking something this cool and funny? Seriously.**


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